don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
smell my finger.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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