no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
