He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
