We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
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I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
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I FOUND THE LEGS
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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