You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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