I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
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At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
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I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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