pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
