The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
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you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
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He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Panties = found
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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