we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
