Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
