if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
