pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
