I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
