I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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