I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
