YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Actions speak louder than pants.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
