so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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