i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
