Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
