I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
