Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
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