I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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