Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
