There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
