question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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