Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
