About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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