exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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