I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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