cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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