I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
