im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
