Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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