if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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