When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize