I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
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Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
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god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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