I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
