Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
