I haven't been this sober since birth.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
