Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize