dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
