For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
