I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
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He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
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and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize