I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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