Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
