discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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