my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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