You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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