we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
