I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
