forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
