i always forget guys have bellybuttons
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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