He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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