Yo dont text me then not text me
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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