Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
