I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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