Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
