My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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