he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
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Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
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Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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