Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
