Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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