He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
