I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
