3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
