Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
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don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
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Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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