also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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