I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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