We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
