a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
True college students do jello shots in the library
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