Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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