girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
