Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm like, not good at living.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
