nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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