Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
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I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
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Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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