Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize