I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
