Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
