He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
