Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
