Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
